You, my friend, need a bouncer.

In the online world, prices are often your bouncer.

Listing your session fee, base package price, and/or basic wedding collection price can be effective in wedding out your less-than-ideal clients.  (Listing no price leaves too much room for assumptions about how ‘cheap’ or ‘expensive’ you are!)

Text can be your bouncer, too.

Using adjectives to describe your work as ‘classic’ will deter those who are looking for modern images.  ‘Upscale’ or ‘elegant’ can trigger the dollar-signs that keep clients with a Craigslist budget from looking any further into your work.  ‘Alternative,’ or ‘rock’n'roll’ text can attract the indy crowd, while clothing guidelines touting the wonders of smocking on children’s clothing will please the traditional consumer.

Let your images do some bouncing, too. Show only what you want to sell, one hundred percent of the time.

If you don’t want to sell a single image of a couple looking at the camera, don’t post one.  If you’ll puke before shooting a couple on the beach at sunset, avoid showing those images to anyone.  Ever.  Teach your clients how to dress though the images you place in your portfolio, and help them choose locations and portrait scenarios the same way.

Oh, and take a tip from Crystal: call security when a client sets off alarm bells.

If an evil client happens to slip past the bouncers, deal with ‘em efficiently and break ties if at all possible.  That pain-in-the-ass client only gets worse when you ignore him, give her bad customer service, or try to appease her with freebies.  End the relationship as soon as humanly possible.

If you have any other tried-and-true bouncer methods, I’d love to hear ‘em!

One of the most rewarding experiences of my career has been working with Alicia Caine as the grammar and pretty-fying fairy on her Easy as Pie cookbook and the followup book, Pastry School.  She’s gracious enough to call me a chef, but it’s her mastery of common sense practices that make the cookbook so utterly fabulous.

I can’t say enough good things about Alicia, this sale, or the fact that

THE EASY AS PIE AND PASTRY SCHOOL COMBO IS ONLY $99 FOR THE FIRST 100 PEOPLE TO USE PROMO CODE PIF100 AT CHECKOUT.

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The Easy as Pie chefs are used to receiving emails thanking us for increasing portrait sales by 100% in photography studios across the country, but we realize the first step is the hardest. You’re not sure of your pricing, you’re unfamiliar with our methods, and you’ve been waiting for your tax refund check to buy the case of wine that will finally drown your business sorrows. We get it.

And so…

We’re paying it forward with a once-in-a-lifetime special on the purchase of our Easy as Pie cookbook, complete with Pastry School bonus PDF! Save $100 on the combo, which is just $99 for the first 100 copies sold or through March 12, 2010, whichever comes first. (This deal will also be announced at the WPPI PIF party, so copies will be gone quickly!)

Get to know Alicia Caine’s common sense pricing strategies for the modern portrait photographer. Learn how to create highly profitable portrait collections, the secrets of a la carte pricing that will lead to collection sales, how to price your session fee effectively, and the answers to the age-old ‘what about the digital files?’ questions we all have. In addition, Alicia shares her personal schedule, pricing, portrait collections, and tips for moving up the sales ladder in Pastry School, the PDF that accompanies Easy as Pie.

We’ve NEVER received a negative review of our cookbook, which creates the kind of a-ha pricing moments Oprah can only dream about.

Save $100 with promo code PIF100 — buy now!

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Next Tuesday, it’s Strip Club, part II.  Sorry to go all crazy salesgirl on you, but this is an unbelievable deal that you’d half to be bananas to pass up.

If you provide hot girls and cold beer at reasonable prices, you’ve got a time-honored business model working in your favor.  Strip clubs should be profit MACHINES.  But  just because you have the prettiest, thinnest, hottest, _____est dancers doesn’t mean people will find you.

You’re nodding your head.  You’re like, ‘duh, Kristen, of COURSE people won’t find out about Crystal Delicious and her miraculous pole-dancing on their own!’

So why do you assume people will find out about your artwork on their own?

You’re talented, you have great photos, you have a website.  And no one cares.  You’re dancing for an empty auditorium.

How do we go about filling that auditorium?

Generate buzz.

If you owned a strip club, I would hope you would attempt to generate buzz locally.  Postcards, posters, and business cards shuffling from hand to hand help generate buzz.  That giant dude standing on the corner, passing out pink 4×6″ signs with Crystal Delicious on ‘em?  That dude is filling your auditorium.  As an artist, strive to have marketing materials circulating among customers, potential customers, and other businesses AT ALL TIMES.

Differentiate.

That giant dude also knows the power of differentiation.  You’re selling your club, yes, but you’re also pushing Crystal Delicious pretty hard.  No other club has Crystal!  Stand in awe of her upside-down-kerfuffle-lutz moves!  What would a giant dude wearing brass knuckles be pushing on the street corner if those postcards were about your business?  What will make you stand out like Crystal does?  (Need a dose of differentiation?  Try Marketing School.)

Reward your loyal fans.

George has sent twelve guys to your club in the past month.  Oh, and he’s urging his buddy to book his bachelor party with Crystal.  George needs to be rewarded for his loyalty!  The same goes for the bride who urges two other brides to book, or the Mom who hands out your business cards to her entire preschool!  Get those women some freebies, some special pricing, or a bottle of wine — never forget to reward the people who spread the word about your business to others.

Optimize your web assets. (Heh, I said assets.)

After hitting the local scene, I would hope you’d be a touch tech-savvy and optimize your strip club for search engine placement.  This is a slower build, and people might not find out about Crystal’s pole-dancing right away, but over time and with the right resources you’ll have clients making a trip to your joint as a destination!  SEO School has the tips you need to optimize your web assets for search engines.  Promise.

Outsource.

Finally, while you’re waiting for your strip club to hit it big, I would outsource wherever possible.  This doesn’t appear to make much sense, because your inclination is to do everything yourself.  But spending four hours cleaning the entire club means you wasted four hours that could have been spent on marketing.  Do you make more money by having clean toilets and no customers, or by having a small cleaning staff and a club packed with people?

Any other strip joint/photography buzz-generating tips for us?  Share ‘em!  And let me know what you think of today’s post, pretty please?

Of course, you can argue that Flash is still relevant, but HTML is simpler. I’m all about simpler.  So I set about creating a framework to display my images that could convey my brand without overwhelming the work.  The questions I asked myself, that I challenge you to ask about your website…

Is the website easy to navigate? Are all the buttons easily located?

The buttons on the new website are visible at all times, remain stationary through page changes, and have boring names.  Those boring button names like ‘FAQ’ and ‘Info’ and ‘Contact’ mean that website visitors will know what each one does.  ‘Blow it up!’ and ‘411′ and ‘Buzz me!’ are cute, but not necessarily effective.

Does the website look the same on every computer?

The website will never look exactly the same for every viewer, but the elimination of image and website scaling (common in Flash templates) makes uniform user experience a distinct possibility.

Is all the website text relevant?

No fluff, just enough of your features and benefits being highlighted to distinguish your brand from others.  Potential clients know just enough to know if they want to know more.  (Need brushing up on features and benefits?  Marketing School is for you.)

Who needs a splash page?

I know the major industry web template providers have splash pages, but I don’t get the point.  Stuffing keywords on an HTML page because the rest of the Flash website is invisible to Google just isn’t a sound SEO strategy.

Have you hired a professional?

This is the most expensive website I’ve ever purchased, but it looks the least flashy.  Fabulous coding with search engine optimization hints provided by Naomi Dunford’s SEO School are hidden from view while my images take center stage.

Want your own HTML website?

Take a look at the super-sleep Kimtown HTML sites, or consider modifying your Wordpress blog to be a blog-site using the Prophoto 3 theme. Save $10 with code BNDCMP717 — if it doesn’t work immediately, just email customer support at Prophoto.

What about the website?

Oh yah. View the new, super-simple site for Essential Imagery.

I mean, when you shovel, you see results immediately.  Shovel, shovel, shovel…I see pavement!  Shovel, shovel, shovel…I see my car!  It’s a gratifying task because x leads to y, which leads to hot cocoa the minute you step inside your nice cozy home.

De-icing, on the other hand…you just have to throw some salt on the sidewalk and wait.  And wait, and wait.  Did you buy the right salt? Should you have purchased the premium salt? Did you use enough?  How long does this stuff take to work?  Should I just go out there with a shovel and try to chip the ice away instead of waiting?

Marketing your business is a lot like the shoveling and de-icing process.

When you’re first starting out…you get to do branding, yay!  Hire peeps to make a logo, get a website, compile a portfolio, make major decisions for your business and shape a brand that’s awesome.  It’s all shoveling snow, baby!  Immediate results are awesome, aren’t they?

A year or two later, you’re sprinkling the sidewalks with salt.  Sure,  your blog hits are growing, your clients are great, and you’ve distributed postcards to the tri-county area…but are they the right postcards? Is it the right message you’re sending?  What if you could have better clients?  Or more, even-awesomer-than-awesome clients?  What if you’re tired of photographing newborns and want to give weddings a try, or vice versa?

By year three, you’ve probably tired of your website, your logo, and your marketing techniques.  You’re quite possibly a bit bored.  You’re ready to go out there with a shovel and just chip the hell out of the ice in the hopes that this whole deal will turn into shoveling again.

Truth be told, starting is the easy part.  Sitting with your own doubts, then overcoming them to sustain and grow your business is exponentially more difficult.

How are you working to overcome your own doubts? How can you keep pushing, keep growing, keep guiding your business without being able to see obvious progress?  (I’ve had clients hold to my business card for two years before calling.  Two years is a long time to wait for ice to melt!)

This post doesn’t have any answers…I would love to hear your thoughts on tough business bits, working on your patience, or how you balance your business processes with grace.

One of the most common hater arguments: I can get _________ a lot cheaper/for free at ___________.

It’s easy to wring your hands and respond in an ugly way, since this is a hater hitting you in the wallet.  Remember, however, that this statement is true.  It’s no reflection on you for a cheapass to point out that wedding photography on Craigslist is only $40, or that there are thousands of free _____ products in the world.

You get what you pay for, and haters always want it cheaper.  If you get this e-mail, at least you know your work is close to being priced appropriately.

Another hater argument, common among photographers: oh, _______’s work is so totally overpriced. MY work is so much better.

Let’s remember that when a photographer brings in $20,000 for shooting a few hours of wedding photography and delivering a fabulous album, the industry as a whole is valued, appreciated, and monetarily viable.  Whether you like the work of x or not, those photographers who are commanding a great deal of money for their work are the rising tide that’s raising all ships.

My guess is that jealousy is speaking, right at that point where you devalue someone else.  Instead of pointing fingers, why not work on your own pricing strategy, lovely?

The ultimate hater argument, even more common among photographers: ___________ totally sucks, I don’t know why anyone pays attention to ___________ and why ___________’s blog has had x million hits.

Again, that’s jealousy talking.  If someone walked into your studio and told you that you’d be receiving x million hits to your blog in the next year, you wouldn’t turn it down.  You would be ecstatic.  Your self-esteem would probably go through the roof, your business would benefit monetarily, and my guess is that you would soon be launching a product or workshop aimed at sharing your knowledge.

Don’t let the big green monster make you a hater — remember to blog regularly.  To add that x factor of humanity, blog about yourself once for every three times you blog about photography.

Finally, the most common hater argument, from clients and photographers: I CAN TOTALLY DO THAT.

Maybe you can, maybe you can’t, but it’s insulting to say it.  I’ve handed my camera to clients who commented about how awesome my camera was, asking them to go ahead and make magic happen.  (Want to see a middle-aged, very-smug man shut up in a nanosecond?  Try it sometime…)

If we won’t accept that behavior from our clients, don’t go saying it about others in the industry.  Maybe you can light a couple with three strobes in the dark in front of an abandoned factory during a wedding time crunch and land on the cover of PDN, but you didn’t.

Minimizing other’s achievements, integrity, and creativity only demeans the photographic industry.  Don’t go there, honeybun.

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Phoenix area photographers: there are two spots left for my trip to Arizona from March 29 to April 1.
Click for details.

Wait until the product is glorious before release.

Totally Rad peeps have been harassing the Doug for YEARS to get onto Lightroom Presets.  But he’s taken his time, watched what the competition offered, tweaked it to his (totally rad) tastes, and ultimately attempted to one-up himself.  A profitable product is great, but a truly remarkable product that’s also profitable is the goal.

In the wedding & portrait world: yes, you can throw together a dog portfolio or add an ‘available for commercial work’ tag to your website.  But taking the time to hone your skills, craft a killer collection of images, and/or learn more about the commercial process will probably be better for you.  And for your clients.

Take time to listen to your users.

When Doug sent his goodies off to peeps for review, he didn’t want to hear ‘Yay!  Awesome!’ He was looking for honest feedback that would lead to a better user experience.  I suggested a tall, grande, venti-type of breakdown to control the power of the preset effects.  Other suggested adding basic Lightroom tweaks to the process to correct exposure, recapture highlights, etc…all tweaks that were not part of the initial plan.  He may be a master of the technical stuff, but his greatest entrepreneurial strength lies in his ability to capture what the market wants at any given time.

If you’re a portrait photographer and 90% of your clients ask for digital files, make them available.  Don’t sell yourself short, by any means!  (I recommend pricing from $1500+ for portraits.  Pricing strategy here.)  But don’t be stupid enough to think you can change what the market wants.  Those clients who really want digital files will find someone who offers them.

Reward your users for their awesomeness.

When I ask Doug to sponsor a workshop, hold a contest, offer a promo code for reader-created blog articles, or reward a fan for an exceptional recipe, the answer is always “Yes.”  Without hesitation.

If you have clients who consistently refer you to others, reward them.  Flowers, chocolates, go-cart rides, a trip to the spa, a portrait session, one-on-one camera lessons, or a handmade gift.  A phone call.  An hour of babysitting.  A latte and some girl talk.  Whatever it is, make it unique to them.

And of course, go buy the Totally Rad Adobe Lightroom presets.  The images in this post feature the Purple Nurple preset!

The more creative juice you’re putting into the world, the more lovely goodness you need to soak up and internalize.  It’s dreary February.  I long to be outside for hours at a time without turning into a popsicle.  Instead, I’m holed up with a book and a mug of tea.  No long photo walks or blooming flowers in sight.

Thus, I turn to the interwebs, home of today’s source of inspiration: the bookworm.  Enjoy the eye candy and food for thought.

The best part of My Fair Lady: the library.

It’s similar to this one…that giant ladder makes me weak in the knees.

Remember when the beast gifts the castle library to Belle? I was so jealous.

No library is complete without a tongue-in-cheek illustration or two.  I love Handy Handlebars, from Hisss Illustration.  Just $14.  Purchase here.

You may as well haul your laptop into the library and watch  Handmade Nation, a documentary film about the DIY/arts & crafts movement that’s swept the nation.  If only Netflix was into indy flicks and grassroots films, I would have seen this by now.

Modern libraries require chic magazine organization!   This vintage magazine rack on sale at Fishbone Deco.  (Feel free to purchase and ship to me.)

While you’re busy being a bookworm, you must be chic.  I love Anthropologie’s latest take on bookworm-dom.  This updated plaid dress, called Atop the Mezzanine, is off the hook.

Of course, Quiet Hours is none too shabby, either.

Each image remains the property of his or her creator, which isn’t me.  It feels kinda dirty, since I usually show off only images I’ve taken, but it’s a brave new world, baby! (Do you dig it?  The inspiration post like this? Or not so much?)

As you nod off snuggling a book, don’t forget the GloWorm.  Did anyone else fall asleep to the light of this as a kid?

Finally, share that library card goodness for Valentine’s Day.  Card shown by Card and Envelope.